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| | The PlayTime: Fun and Relaxation Network is not currently active and cannot accept new posts | | Gates of Heaven | Views: 868 | | Oct 17, 2005 7:48 pm | | Gates of Heaven | # |
Ron Cesek | | It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died.
The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. I came home to my 25th-floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. To the Angel's surprise,it was Donald Trump. "Mr. .. Trump, before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."
Trump said, "No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom, which broke my fall, so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator of all things off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."
The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as Trump finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets Trump enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war pour through the Angel's head. Finally he says "Mr. President, please tell me what it was like the day you died."
Clinton says, "OK, picture this. I'm naked inside this refrigerator ...
Private Reply to Ron Cesek | | Oct 18, 2005 2:39 am | | re: Gates of Heaven | # | 
Paul Bradley Cordle | | Great story Ron!
I love it.
PaulPrivate Reply to Paul Bradley Cordle | | Nov 03, 2005 11:47 pm | | re: re: re: Gates of Heaven | # |
Ron Cesek | | MAN JOKES
1 Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
> A. Shoot him again.
2 Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
> A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
3 Q. Why do little boys whine?
> A. Because they're practicing to be men.
4 Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
> A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him OR
> Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
5 Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
> A. Trustworthy.
6 Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling
> your name?
> A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
7 Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one
> egg?
> A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.
8 Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males
> after mating?
> A. To stop the snoring before it starts.
9 Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
> A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
10 Q: What is the difference between men and women?
> A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man > wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
11 Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
> A: Rename the mail folder: "Instruction Manuals"
> Men, If you're offended, take a class on how to lighten
> up.
Private Reply to Ron Cesek | | Jul 13, 2006 4:28 am | | re: Gates of Heaven | # | 
Erica Hidvegi | | So how come you never told this one at family re-unions ? I was laughing my butt off ! Private Reply to Erica Hidvegi | | |
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